Monday, September 21, 2009

Survivor: Ultimate Africa. By Cameron

Max was on summer vacation. He was staring out of a plane window, bored... Very bored... very very ultra mega bored... suddenly "Wow!" Max said as he stared at a mother lion and 2 cubs running across the Savannah! Dad leaned across the isle of the little plane and said "Hows my big 10 year old boy?" "well apart from the three lions, bored" Max said "Um..., well can you at least try to have some fun till we get to Africa?" Asked dad. "Try playing on your Nintendo?" "But-" max began to reply, but Suddenly the plane tilted! Max and his dad was thrown from side to side gripping the seats. Hand over hand they made there way to the control room...

Max's dad opened the cockpit door... "Oh no!" Cried Max's dad
"What?" Said max still stuck behind the door
"Oh help us!"
"help us please!"
"Oh sorry max, look"
"Oh no! He must had a heart attack!" Said max afraid. As Max's dad tried to smile he said "I know we cant drive a plane but we have to try. Besides it's only a little plane . "Well if we are going to drive this plane we better hurry were just about to cra-"

The plane rammed into the trees at great speed, Max was gripping the seat as hard as he could, "THUD!!!" the plane slammed into the biggest tree max had ever seen. Max was thrown across the cabin and he slammed into the glass, the glass shattered and max flew out of the cabin. Max's head hit a tree so Max went spiraling towards an oak tree, he fell to the ground and lost consciousness. Max's dad (Ross) also went flying, but he hit the control panel. When Max woke he could feel the blood trickling down his forehead."Max, Max!". Max could see that his dad's hands were bleeding and a smear of blood was on his cheek. Max groaned
"Thank goodness your OK!"said dad with relief. He pulled max to his feet, then Max and his dad limped into the forest.
"H...hello, any body home?!" Shouted max shivering. "SQUAWK!" Suddenly a parrot flew down from a branch and landed on Max's shoulder, it started pecking at Max's head "Squawk!" "Get off!" shouted Max as he pushed the parrot away. "Look!" Said dad jumping with excitement "The end of the forest!"

The two boys made there way to the opening. Dad's heart almost stopped at the sight... the Sahara desert "Nooooooooooo!" Dad screamed. He screamed so loud that a few birds flew out of the trees and it echoed 6 times before fading away. "Wait I recognise this desert, it was on one of those pamphlets back at the airport!" Cried max "There is a ferry over those dunes we have at least 2 and a halve hours to get there" Max and his dad stared at the giant dunes miles and miles away, and even still they looked huge!

Max and his dad started the long walk to the dock. The sand was burning there feet like hell, it was like they were walking on the sun! They did not know it but there was something watching them... Something big... "Oooowww!!!" Max screamed. Suddenly A huge rattle snake had its teeth rapped around Max's ankle and it wasn't letting go! Everything went blurry as max fell to the hot desert floor screaming trying to fight it off! Luckily his dad had found a rib bone of a dead animal and started whacking the snake with it, Max screamed even louder as his dad had just whacked Max on the shin by accident! "Hissss" The snake slithered away in pain.

Max moaned and moaned, he couldn't walk so his dad carried him over his shoulder to the wharf. "wait!" shouted Max's dad as the ferry left without them, Max's dad started waving and fell to his knees exhausted. suddenly a helicopter flew towards them. Sand stung their eyes as the helicopter landed, max and his dad almost got blown off their feet as the wind was super strong. The pilot strait away recognised Ross, "Oh bless my soul, it's Ross Crutcher! An honer to meet you. We've all been looking for you since the crash."
"Well lets just say we had a little slip up in plans" Said Ross. The helicopter took off and they flew to the hospital...
Max woke "Where am I?" Max said.
"The Doctor said you would be fine, he said that the venom had been removed from your body." Max's dad leaned over the bed and said "you'll be all right buddy, at least we got to Africa."


vicki said...

O my goodness Cameron. That was some narrative - there could be a future novelist in there! Well done.

Mrs Beavis (office)

Mrs Burt said...

What an awesome story you have written Cameron. I will be honest with you and tell you that because it is so long I was going to skim read over it, but you ready had me gripped by the plot.
I loved the words you used, the way you varied the lengths of your sentences, and the way you built suspense.
And I loved Dad finding the rib of a dead animal - very practical indeed.

Keep publishing your work.
Mrs Burt

Sanaya said...

wow camron i love your story it was very catchy and it definalty hooked me in. You are a great writer and anybody who reads yoyr story will absolutly gat blown away. Once again i love your story.


Extreme Team 14 said...

Your story is quet poular i am jelous i cant wait till mr hall makes us do another narrative any way cant wait to see some more stories.

Extreme Team 14 said...

Wow thanks guys! That was some really nice comments
once again thanks.


Extreme Team 14 said...

Wow thanks guys! That was some really nice comments
once again thanks.


Extreme Team 14 said...


I think that was a realy grat storey.
My faverit part was when they crased.